ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
