We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
