is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
