Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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