The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
