You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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