Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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