but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize