My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
