i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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