i already hear my dad disowning me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
