You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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