Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
