He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize