i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
