either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
