"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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