none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
