I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
