So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
