Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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