I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize