Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
