she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
