we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
