My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
