you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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