If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
