Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
