You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
