im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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