two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
