Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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