at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
