Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
