you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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