i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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