i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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