so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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