so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
