It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
