hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
