He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
