it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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