all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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