dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
