yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize