i just wanna soil my oats bro
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
