I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
