It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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