i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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