Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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