I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
