roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
