I think I won the penis lottery.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
