just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
