a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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