Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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