When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
