I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
