Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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