i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
