oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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