obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize