you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
