Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
