Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
