I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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