Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
