i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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