That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
