Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
