i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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