Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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